


Monochopsis

by milkyprince



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, lol i cried while writng this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-13
Updated: 2016-08-13
Packaged: 2018-08-08 13:46:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7760107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milkyprince/pseuds/milkyprince
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yamaguchi thinks he's dirt, but Tsukishima knows differently.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Monochopsis

**Author's Note:**

> ahahahah angst kill me bro

Dirt. That's what Yamaguchi saw when he glanced at himself in the mirror. Dirt colored skin covered in dirt colored freckles. He hated it, despised it even. And not just his skin, just... his whole being, himself as a whole. He never felt as though he fit in, wherever he happened to go, Yamaguchi could feel stares piercing through his clothes as if he were a performer. As much as he wished he could blend in with the crowd, he couldn't. So, he stayed inside.

\---

"Tadashi, your friend is here!"

What...? Had he invited someone over? No, he never did.

"I'm sending him up!"

Oh this was not good, not good at all. His room was a mess, strewn with halfway damp tissues, plus he was almost certain that his eyes were still tinged red. He was only clothed in a pair of light grey boxer briefs, and the marks on his thighs were out for anyone who wandered into his room to see.

Only being given a minute to think of a solution, Yamaguchi pulled his comforter up over his head, covering his body from head to toe. Maybe, whoever came in wouldn't notice the quite obvious human shaped lump under the covers, and would just leave.

From his castle under the covers, Yamaguchi could hear his door being pushed open, and someone stepping into his room. No amount of hoping and praying would stop the footsteps from getting gradually closer to the bed, and the covers being yanked off of Yamaguchi's head.

"Yo." a familiarly dull voice said from above him.

"Ts-Tsukki! What're you doing here?!"

"I brought your schoolwork, why else would I be here?"

"Oh, alright, just set it over there." Yamaguchi pushed an arm from under the covers and pointed to a wooden desk in the corner of his room.

Tsukishima walked over to the desk and set the folder down, only to return to beside Yamaguchi's bed afterwards. He kneeled beside the bed.

"Thanks, uh, so I suppose you'll be going no-"

"What's wrong?"

"Huh?" the sudden question caused Yamaguchi to jolt up, comforter only covering his legs now, "Nothing's wrong! Just sick!"

"Your eyes are red, have you been crying?" Tsukishima's face appeared emotionless, but his voice was filled with concern.

"They're just irritated from my cold! It's nothing I swear." Yamaguchi was almost panicking now, he knew that Tsukishima was observant, but the thought hadn't occurred to him that he may notice his change in mood.

"Tadashi, what's wrong?" Tsukishima asked, more sternly this time.

At the sound of his first name, Yamaguchi's eyes opened wide.

He repeated it again, "Tadashi, something's wrong, tell me."

Yamaguchi's hands went down to grasp the sides of his covers, silently pleading for Tsukishima to let him be.

Tsukishima's eyes flickered down to Yamaguchi's grip on the sheets, "Tadashi...". Pale hands met dark hands in a fight for the covers.

"Tsukki don't! Stop it! Nothing to see! I'm fine, Tsukki, really!" Yamaguchi clung to his covers as if they were his only lifeline.

But, Tsukishima was much stronger than he was, and pulled away the covers with little resistance. He ran his thin fingers across the scars and wounds that decorated the starry boy's skin.

Yamaguchi shuttered, the beginnings of tears starting to bud in his eyes, "I'm fine, really, I'm completely fine..." His voice was drooping like a vase of flowers with only drops of water left.

"Tadashi, stop saying that you're okay, you aren't."

With those words, the tears started to trickle down Yamaguchi's skin, his face twisting into the dictionary definition of sadness. All he could feel was the pain that started bubbling up from day one, from all the times those boys rammed daggers crafted of horrible words into his heart of glass. Every stab creating a crack.

Yamaguchi obsessed over those cracks, thought about them and worried about them until he eventually let them take over his mind. Whatever he did, those cracks would fill him to the brim with anxiety and hatred for everything that he did. Any movement he made, every time he spoke up, Yamaguchi firmly believed that he was a complete and utter waste of space, a worthless bother to those around him.

"Tsukki..." the darker boy lowered his head, feeling the shame of his own scars and body. Droplets of salty water splashed onto the surface of his dotted thighs.

"Yamaguchi, they're-"

"No, don't! Don't you fucking dare try to tell me that they're beautiful, they aren't! They're as hideous as the rest of me! So just stop right now, I know they aren't beautiful, I know that everything about both them and me are-"

"They're disgusting."

That was not what Yamaguchi had expected. Everyone else who had seen the jagged lines on his body, although there weren't many, had told him that they were beautiful. Everyone would lie straight to his face, trying to make him feel better, and Yamaguchi had learned to not listen to them.

"They're absolutely hideous. I won't lie to you."

"Th-thanks, Tsukki... no one would tell me the truth." The truth was what he wanted, right? Then why was he still crying? Why did he feel even worse than before?

"You aren't okay, are you?"

Yamaguchi slowly shook his head at first, not being able to speak with the overwhelming weight of his own shame crushing him, "Kei... I want to die, I just want to die. It would be better if I never existed, I'm-"

"Shut up."

Yamaguchi looked at Tsukishima, his voice halting as he was captured in an tight embrace.

"Don't talk about yourself like that, none of it's true. Tadashi, I don't know who or what made you think those things, but get them out of your head."

He sounded... desperate. Yamaguchi couldn't quite understand why, why did he want to save him?

Tsukishima released Yamaguchi from his arms, taking the darker hands in his instead, "Tadashi, look at me."

Yamaguchi slowly raised his head to meet Tsukishima's eyes, "W-why are you-"

"You're beautiful Tadashi, I don't know how you don't see it, but I'll keep telling you until you finally believe it. You know I love you, and I'm not going to lose you. I'm not going to let you go." Tsukishima looked straight into Yamaguchi's eyes.

"You could do so much better than me... someone like me doesn't deserve someone like you."

"What do you mean 'like me'? Tadashi, why the fuck would I have asked you out if I didn't want to be with you? You're more than enough, you're all I need. I don't know how you don't see it, you're amazing."

"H-how am I...?"

"You're an amazing server, you're more determined to get better than anyone else I know, you're really smart, you're beautiful. I wouldn't tell you any lies, and I don't say these things about anyone else. I want to make you understand that you're enough, you'll always be enough."

"I'm... enough?" Yamaguchi stared at Tsukishima, his eyes wide with confusion.

"More than enough."

He thought he was enough... Tsukki, who was always telling him to shut up and throwing out insults, was saying that he was enough.

"I'm enough..." Yamaguchi said quietly.

"Yeah, you're enough."

And he smiled, a real smile.

"I don't want you to do this anymore," Tsukishima gestured to the lines on Yamaguchi's thighs, "If you think about hurting yourself, text me and I'll be here."

There was a short silence before Yamaguchi spoke, his words still shaking, "I still don't like myself, I don't know how long that will take to change, but I want to get better, I want to be happy. I want to be able to be happy with you, Tsukki."

"Then I won't stop until you are."


End file.
